If no one's ever said this to you before, I want to say it now : don't ever kill yourself - never. Don't do it - ask for help.
At a certain moment in time we may not be able to see any other choices, but this doesn't mean there aren't any - it just means we haven't seen any yet. And that at that particular moment, we really need to be incontact with other people.
Think about being a human being. Every one of us some gift, be it ever so humble ; some personal insight or ability, something we can do or contribute, that perhaps no one else does better. Though we may not see it presently, we have some part to play in the world. Be it ever so humble, there's someone, somewhere who needs us. And someone somewhere who loves us, even if just right now we don't remember it.
As human beings we each also have areas where we don't know much at all ; areas that are painful or confusing to us ; ones where we lack experience or have had mostly only bad experiences. There can be times when we may simply draw a blank, and have no idea what to do or say next ; moments when we feel trapped, in a dark cloud we can't see out of. When we see no choices but serious, even final self harm.
One thing that's very fortunate about being a human being, is that there are other human beings. Although you may be unable to see outside of yourself at a particular moment, outside your mood or thoughts or impulses, there may be someone else who can. And although you can't see anything do to make your situation better or help you feel better, they might see something immediately. Something that, very surprisingly, helps.
It can be humbling but a great relief, to be able to say "I can't believe I didn't see that !" But talking with someone else can also set your own insights back in motion. The simple act of speaking your experience and exploring it with someone can put it "outside" you - far enough to be able to look at it in a more new and less burdened way.
Getting help from someone else is "nobody's bad". It doesn't mean you're weak - it only means you're human, and you don't know everything. And by the way : good ideas, kindness, compassion are universal. Whatever another person shares with you, they probably learned from someone else. And whatever you learn from them, now also becomes yours - including yours to share with someone else in need.
One last thought : if the first person you ask for help can't or won't provide it, again, nobody's bad - ask someone else - and if necessary, keep looking. And of course there are suicide hotlines. If needed, use them.
For more tips on suicide prevention, see :
Ways to Help Yourself When You're Feeling Suicidal
Jeff Smith RN
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Jeff Smith RN, born 1950. A registered nurse since 1984 - but holistic in my outlook to health since probably around 1968. Living Waters Wellness considers not just the health of the physical body, but our soul and spirit, our social forms, our environment - and as a matter of fact, our whole earth. It's a new website, and a work in progress - but by all means, have a look around !